Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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