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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

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  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (909): View more from California

  It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"

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  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.

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