He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
