she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.