Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?