I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
