Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
