eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
