just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize