omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
