you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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