there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
