i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
