cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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