If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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