the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
