i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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