Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she told me i tasted like america
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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