I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
