I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We are all done wearing pants today
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
