Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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