Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
