Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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