can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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