Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
