so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name