My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.