some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months