Say something about gay babies.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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