No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
