pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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