There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
