I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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