I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
