Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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