I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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