You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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