a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
