he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
