I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I understand Curling. That high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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