Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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