He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
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In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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