Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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