Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
