He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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