i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
