farters have to be the big spoon...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My feet surprised me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
