It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
