still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
