Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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