so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
