Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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