she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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