You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
