it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
