I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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