It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
