I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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