Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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