Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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