I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
