Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
