He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
