I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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