I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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