I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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