Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
