He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
