ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
