come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
