Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
