He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
