Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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